Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
