Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
