I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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