so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
