I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
