oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
