And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
