Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
