Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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