im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
