South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
