Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
