Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
