My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
