Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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