I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
