I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
