Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
cat food counts as protein by the way
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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