im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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