i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
