I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
