She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
