So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
