whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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