is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
