i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
