I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The air was thick with penises
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
