How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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