dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
