I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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