Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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