i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
