the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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