I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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