A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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