It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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