Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My bed smells like the plague
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
