I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
