I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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