if i can run in heels then i can drive
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
