i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize