he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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