And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
