i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
