So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
