Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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