I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
