I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
