Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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