If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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