Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
