Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize