I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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