My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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