He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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