i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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