he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
