Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
