OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
