you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
