you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
