Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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