ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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