We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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