Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
