So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
