her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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